Games I’ll Never Beat

I thought I’d make a list of games that I always wanted to beat but could never seem to muster up enough determination or skill to do so. I still make attempts with some of these games even today but life has gotten in the way, I may just have to concede defeat. Here are my top 10.

 

 

Bald Bull takes a shot to the stomach.

Mike Tyson’s Punch Out (NES):

I can get past King Hippo without even getting hit once, I can get to Mike Tyson without much problem (the rematch with Bald Bull is hit or miss) but I just can’t beat Tyson. I can’t help it, I choke. Maybe it’s intimidation or maybe it’s my subconscious thinking “A 5’1″ character who jogs in a pink sweat suit can’t possibly beat Mike Tyson”. I think I saw a hacked version once where Tyson’s special move was to bite your ear off. Tastes like beef jerky …or so I’ve heard. Ha! Get it? Heard? Ear? …moving on.

 

 

Leonardo vs Bebop

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES):

I remember seeing this for the first time at a friends house and watching her play and asking with amazement how she made that “spin” jump (you just push A). I fell in love instantly… uh, with the game, not her – don’t judge me. Anyway, I’ve gotten as far as the Technodrome but I’m usually so drained health-wise by then that I just can’t defeat it. Oh well, at least I’ve never had trouble with the seaweed like most gamers. By the way, Donatello was always my favourite turtle.

 

 

Mighty Boot!

Battletoads (NES):

I’ve made it past the speeder part in level 3 only twice. I have this problem where I fall through the ground during the jumping parts and I have no idea what I’m doing wrong. A second player doesn’t help either, he can hit you, kill you, and if he gets killed you have to start over too. So having a friend “help” is really a death sentence. I can’t even beat it with the Game Genie… how sad is that? At least I’m in good company, I don’t know a single person that’s actually finished this game. Still, It’s lots of fun.

 

 

Hyperdyne?

Sidearms (TG-16):

Ok, this one I’ve taken so seriously it’s not even funny. This is one of the first games I bought for the TG-16 and paid $14.99 at Radio Shack when I was 13 years old. I have tried relentlessly to beat this game and have, even to this day, refused to look up any strategies online or watch someone else beat it. I have no idea how many stages there are and every time I get a little farther and am sure that this is the end boss, another new stage starts. The box says there’s only 9 stages but I don’t believe it. I just can’t win, it’s been nearly 20 years and this game kicks my ass every time.

 

 

The first boss.

R-Type (TG-16):

Another arcade style TG-16 game. Unlike Sidearms, I don’t get so worked up over this one since it’s a more recent purchase and because it’s well known for its insane difficulty that I think I’m just OK with being in good company. The music is awesome and the controls are really good so the game is still fun even though I can barely pass level 3. This was one of the first games I played on the Turbo Grafx-16 and introduced me to the world of 16 Bit graphics… The first boss looks pretty bad-ass.

 

 

 

Sooo much awesome!

Contra (NES):

Yes, I can do it with the code but with only 3 lives? Come on, it’s so tough… Level 3 or 4, that’s all I can do before some random bullet finally does me in – the bosses never seem to finish me off. They’re tough to be sure but it’s always a normal enemy when I’m not looking. Unlike Battletoads, the second player does actually make this game easier – except in the 3rd stage when you’re jumping up the screen and you’re friend goes too far and you get killed. But after he’s done being a smart ass, you can steal his lives on him and then get him killed. Yeah, I can’t beat it on 2 player without the code either.

 

 

 

Confusing?

Raiders of the Lost ArkĀ  (Atari 2600):

One of the few Atari 2600 games that you can actually beat and I can’t do it. I’ve watched the walk throughs online and it doesn’t help, everything is so cryptic and the game designers, I think, gave gamers way too much credit in thinking that they could figure out the puzzles. I mean, unless you have the manual you can’t even tell what most of the objects or creatures in the game are supposed to be. I did figure out the grenade will blow a hole in a wall on the first screen but that was pure luck. After that, I’m just plain lost.

 

 

 

Speaking with the King.

Dragon Warrior (NES):

I have no excuse for this since I’ve beaten way more complicated games. I blame this mostly on how long it takes to level up sufficiently so you can finish it. I didn’t own this game until I was an adult with other things to do… like a job. So I tend to play this game for a few days, put it down and come back to it a month later. Now where was I? Crap, ok, well I’ll just start over. Play a couple more days… leave for a weekend trip. Now where was I? Oh for *^%%&**%^ sake!! Wash, rinse, repeat – this has been going on for years.

 

 

 

Looks far more interesting than it is.

Double Dungeons (TG-16):

My cousin and I got this game because I had a “Secrets of the Games” book that had all the maps for it, it was two player, and it looked epic. Well it’s not epic… It gets boring after the first dungeon and there’s tons of dungeons. Also, they keep getting bigger and more complicated. Also, the maps don’t have the shops, treasures, or boss locations listed. Also, my cousin moved away. It sucks. Next game.

 

 

 

Someday, I will have to beat the original game.

Any Legend of Zelda game:

God help me, I’m just not that into Zelda… Don’t get me wrong, I like the characters and I appreciate the influence this series has had on the gaming world but I just can’t seem to focus long enough to get into these games. It’s not from lack of want either, I’ve got several of these games: Legend of Zelda (NES), Zelda II (NES), A Link to the Past (SNES), Oracle of Seasons (GB Color), Majora’s Mask (N64), Ocarina of Time (N64), and Twilight Princess (Wii). The one I played most was Oracle of Seasons because I could play it on my GameBoy Advance and take it with me but my focus waned before long and now I’ll have to start all over again because I’ve forgotten where I left off. Too bad, I really like Neutopia II and it’s very similar. Maybe I have ADD or something.

About

I'm a Computer and Networking Engineer, Electronics Hobbyist and all around nerd. I draw when I get the chance but never got around to taking lessons for it. I'm also an amateur collector (Video Games & Comic Books mostly) and enjoy long walks on the beach.

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